Future / Sex

Colours of the season. Wear em and strut, girls.

( Fierce! )

Surprise, surprise! Mum and dad took Lali and I to the Cayman Islands. I'm currently getting the best tan in the whole bloody universe. Dad and I went diving earlier. Bloody fantastic diving. They've got this drop here that's perfect for diving along the wall. Mum and Lali went to do some shopping and get their nails done and all. I wish I could have gone with them. I'm in desperate need of a mani/pedi. Too much diving can do that to you. Wrinkly fingers and all. Ugh.

Granny Hopkins almost came with us, but she had some date or something. That woman never stops, I swear. Ever since she got that dragontox on her lips. Heh! She's been on a rampage. Good for her. She needs to show off those hard rock tatas she now has. I love Granny Hopkins. She finds pretty boys for me.

Not that I can't find pretty boys on my own. You'd be surprised how many pretty boys reside on this rock. Let's just say I've been having myself a really good time.

HAPPY BLOODY EASTER!

( Private to Hogwarts Ladies )

( Private to All Males )

Like a virgin.....

Holy Chanel on Gucci! What the hell was Spritney Beers thinking? When the hell has the BALD LOOK ever been an acceptable look to have? Okay fine, some people in the past have rocked it rather nicely, such as Memi Doore and Patalie Nortman. But Spritney? Sorry, hun, but that look is so not working for you. Maybe you should try to charm some colourful wig on in the meantime like that one Spanish singer with the multicoloured hair. Her name escapes me. I'm not that into Spanish wizard pop as I am into English.

Seriously though, ever since she had those triplets, she's been out of control! I've tried sending her owls warning her about her destructive behaviour, but I keep getting them returned with restraining order reports. Oh bollocks. I'm not a stalker. I don't even like her all that much.

I prefer Inrique Eglesias better.

Okay, so yadda yadda yadda condolences, sorries and the like. Look. If you need me to do your hair, because you've been crying and/or feeling lazy/crazy as if late, Sam I Am is your gay man. I also do hugs, facials, manis and pedis. Girl or boy. It really doesn't matter to me. Those Death Eaters think they're all that with their nasty facial hair and that Azkabany smell and all. WELL, THEY'RE NOT! When was the last time any of those creepers had a triple threat done? As in a facial/mani/pedi? Psssh. Probably NEVAR. Gross to the max.

This is why they're all angsty, upsety and all. It's a proven fact that everyone with a clean complexion who takes care of his/her skin feels much happier than someone with dirty, ickly, five-day-without-washing, greasy face grossness! Daily exercise and bi-weekly exfoliating and conditioning should do the trick. It's true! ComsoWitch said so! And shut up, because CosmoWitch NEVAH lies.

I love it though, because Lali wrote to mum and dad all worried-like and stuff, and dad wrote back talking about how he was out of town on his latest dive. He's like, going for this record or something. Crazy dad. Gotta love 'em.

I got a Valentine Gram from a really hot bloke.




It was me! I'm so lucky.

OH GOLLY MISS MOLLY! Can my dad come work at Hogwarts too? He could be....... the....... like.... something. I don't know. What's he good at? LALI and FATI, what's dad good at? Like...... surfing. And eating. He's really good at eating actually. And skateboarding and SCUBA diving. OH! Maybe he could teach like an under water sea adventure class thinger?!

Though I think he'd have a difficult time. He can't stand it when people call him Mister Hopkins. So I can't imagine he'll fancy it very much if they call him Professor Hopkins. And then, he'll probably just come to class in his flip flops. And in the winter? Well, that'd be a doosy to jump into that FREEZING WATER for class. Heeeeeeeell no. I am certainly not taking that class. And get pneumonia before the Victoria's Secret swimsuit catalogue comes out? I don't think so, precious.

I'd hate it if mum came to teach at Hogwarts. Then again, what could mum teach? Fashion 101? Well, I'd certainly take that class, not because she's teaching, but because it'd be brill. I totally call mannequin duty. Uh huh yeah. I said it. I'm bringing sexy back. And what.

Peace out two thousand twenty three.

( Cause baby, you've started something // And I'm gonna end it good. )

Okay.





WHO THE HELL CANCELED MY WITCH WEEKLY SUBSCRIPTION? SPEAK NOW OR HAVE ALREADY CHEWED GUM STUCK IN YOUR PONYTAIL!